I'm so fucking centered right now
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
