It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
