so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
