I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
