He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
