Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
