i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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