good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
