Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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