My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My life is pants optional.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
