I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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