Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
