Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
