For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
