I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
