I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
