I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
