i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
