Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
