I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
