why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
