I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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