This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
