I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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