i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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