I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
