I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
