Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
