well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
