i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
