she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
