I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
