capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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