I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
