That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
