Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
