My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
