Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
