walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
