youre lurking in front of me
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
