so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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