Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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