Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
