John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize