Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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