Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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