Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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