OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
