I'm so fucking centered right now
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize