I met the friendliest cop last night
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
