Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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