Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
a search helicopter?!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Oh god it's open bar.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
