I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
