home. puking in laundry basket.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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