This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
