Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He has the fingertips of a God
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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