Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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