I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
