Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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