News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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