Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
