she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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