Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
