what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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