You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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