So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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