We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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