fuck your aforementioned shoe
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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