Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
