the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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