I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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