I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
