this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
