I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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