kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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