He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He felt like a one man threesome
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Randomize
