Your dad touched me again.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
